World Cup: USA Buries Scotland, 435-1

TORONTO, CA — After pounding New Zealand 377-8 on Thursday, Team USA got even closer to a shutout win against Scotland today, steamrolling the overmatched Scots by a final of 435-1.

Team USA scored 50 unanswered points in the first five minutes in spite of some good defence work from the likes of Crazylegs and Wild Oates, setting the tone for the bout. A powerjam 8 minutes in when Shenita Stretcher was boxed on a major back block gave Scotland a scoring opportunity, but strong defence from Joy Collision and De Ranged stopped Moxie Emerald from breaking the pack before Shenita was released. Shenita then picked up three points before being boxed again following a tough fight with Crazylegs, but Moxie still couldn’t get past the American walls.

Fight Cub started unopposed but was dominated by Sexy Slaydie until Shenita escaped from the box–and then Shenita promptly passed the star to DeRanged, who laid down another 20 points with Fight Cub still stuck, leaving the score at 97-0 with 8 minutes left in the first half.

Suzy Hotrod, Joy Collision, Bonnie Thunders and Tannibal Lector all put more points on the board as the clock ticked towards half time — but the biggest cheer of the first half came right at the death when Moxxie Emerald broke the pack for the first time just as the half ended, 191-0.

Urrk’n started the second half puttng 25 points on the board in an opening powerjam. After a number of dominant jams, the USA then put the hammer down with a sequence of very high-scoring jams. A 30 point jam for Bonnie Thunders and a 40-pointer for Jukebox moved the US to a 286-0 lead with 13:12 on the clock, as the Scots showed plenty of heart but no hint of curtailing the US scoring rate. More big jams for Joy Collision and Urrk’n Jerk’n saw 70 more points hit the scoreboard over the next five minutes — but with 7 minutes to go the Marla Mayhem broke the pack to rapturous applause despite the 364-0 scoreline.

Juska was boxed for the USA in the very next jam–but hardly had a chance to sit down before Scotland’s star blocker Wild Oates got boxed herself on her first time out as jammer. Oates then snuck out of the box, broke the pack almost immediately, and put Scotland’s first point on the board with a little over four minutes left in the bout, leaving the score at 386-1. 30 points for Frida Beater snuffed out dreams of a dramatic Scotland comeback in the very next jam though. De Ranged took the star as the game ticked into its last two minutes, taking the US into a 426-1 lead, calling it with 32 seconds left on the period clock.

Urrk’n lined up unopposed for the final jam and notched up nine points before Clinically Wasted broke the pack to force Urrk’n into a call to leave the final score at 435-1.

The massive score margin ended up being greatly responsible for both USA’s seeding at #1 in the elimination rounds and Scotland taking the lowest seed at 13. Scotland will play 4 seed Australia at 5:30pm Friday, while USA plays the winner of Germany / New Zealand at 1:30pm Saturday.

Team USA’s roster for this one was DeRanged, Juke Boxx, Suzy Hotrod, Frida Beater, Sexy Slaydie, Heather Juska, Varla Vendetta, Joy Collision, Urrkn’ Jerkn’ as Booty Blockya, Tannibal Lector, White Flight (skating as Brittney Mathews), Shenita Stretcher, Psycho Babble and Bonnie Thunders (skating as Nicole Williams).

Lex Talionis

Lex is the Content Director for Derby News Network.