TORONTO, ON — After holding New Zealand and Scotland to a grand total of 17 points in their three previous games while running up 1,282 points of their own, Team USA continued the international beatdowns in the semifinal against 4 seed Australia. USA did not allow Australia to get a single lead jammer status or point in the first 40 minutes, was up 277-0 at the halftime break and scored 355 points before Australia got on the board; they put up the highest score and biggest blowout of the tournament, winning 532-4. The win sends USA to the World Cup final against Canada.
USA’s game started just as all their rest, as Nicole (“Bonnie Thunders”) Williams didn’t have much resistance in her opening jam while her pack of Urrk’n Jerk’n as Booty Blockya, Juke Boxx, Suzy Hotrod and Frida Beater hammered Australia’s jammer Haterade and eventually forced her into a major penalty — Williams ran up a 29-0 for the Americans, and on the other side of the power jam, Atomatrix blasted through for multiple untouched passes. Atom would end up in the box as the jammer in that one, but she’d put up 25-0 before doing so, putting USA up 53-0 after just two jams. USA’s pack of Shenita Stretcher, Varla Vendetta, Williams and DeRanged made sure that Australia’s jammer Fang Fiend wouldn’t be able to do anything with the rest of Atom’s penalty, forcing Fang Fiend to the box on a major track cut and bringing the Australian pack to a crawl as Atom put up another 25 points out of the box. That put USA up 78-0 after three jams with 22:24 left in the first half.
Bad news continued for Australia as Fang Fiend fell into Sassy’s legs on her return from the box and was hit with a tripping major — Suzy Hotrod scampered for yet another huge jam for USA, a 30-0 that made the score 108-0 with barely 10 minutes gone in the game. Australia sent out Suzy Pow to try her luck against the USA juggernaut, but she wasn’t able to penetrate and DeRanged ran up a 18-0. Jammer penalty trouble continued to hit Australia as Juke Nukem was boxed on a back block, and USA jammer Atomatrix was once again able to basically skate laps against a baffled-looking Australia pack. She rolled for 35-0 and a new score of 161-0 with less than 15 minutes gone in the game.
Australia lost their jammer to the box yet again in the next jam, allowing DeRanged to go 25-0 and ice the Australian jammer in the box for her Rocky Mountain teammate Urrk’n Jerk’n — Australia’s blockers Ruby Ribcrusher and King Cam were able to force Urrk’n out or down on both of her scoring passes, with that 10-0 feeling like a bit of a moral victory after the avalanche of big jams that had gone up previously. Still, though, it was 196-0 at that point, and two jams later, USA gave the jammer star to one of their best blockers in Sexy Slaydie, who took advantage of yet another jammer penalty on Australia to lift USA over 200 points at 214-0 with 9:30 left in the first half.
Nicole Williams made short work of the Australia pack on her side of the power jam, absorbing a hard hit from Suzy Pow to put 10 more points on the USA pile; Heather Juska dropped another 10-0 next. Australia again had to settle for minor moral victories when they managed to get their jammers through the pack in time to force Juke Boxx and Frida Beater to call the next two jams after one scoring pass each, but that still kept the USA score climbing inexorably upwards. With 3:32 in the half, USA was up 252-0.
A killer hit from USA blocker Psycho Babble on Australia jammer Blockidile Dundee was the highlight of the next jam as Juke Boxx rolled up 15-0, and one jam later the half ended with Australia still blanked, 277-0.
Australia looked like they might have a chance for points on the opening jam of the second half as they were reduced to just two blockers on the floor, but Rocky Mountain teammates Frida Beater and Urrk’n Jerk’n held down the pack while Brittney (“White Flight”) Mathews was free to rack 20-0. USA’s total went over 300 on the next jam as DeRanged threw 24 unanswered points on the board and brought her team to a lead of 321-0.
It wasn’t till the USA advantage reached 355-0 with 20 minutes to play when Australia finally got a crowd-pleasing lead jammer call and points in a 4-3 win for Australia’s Juke Nukem over Suzy Hotrod, but USA got right back to business following that new score of 358-4; Australia did not score again. With about 14 minutes to play, USA went over the 400 point mark on an enormous 35-0 power jam to Varla Vendetta as the USA pack of Slaydie, Williams, Hotrod and Sassy brought the Australia pack to a near stop; the new score was 428-4.
Australia got their second and last lead jammer call of the game to Juke Nukem next, but she’d have to call at 0-0 when she was reabsorbed by the USA pack. USA went over 500 points with slightly more than 4 minutes left to play on a Heather Juska 10-0 that made it 503-4; two jams later, the rout ended on a power jam to Juska, who called it as soon as time expired for a 532-4 win.