D2K 3rd: Killamazoo Rebuffs NEO, 250-219

KALAMAZOO, MI–As the only tournament hosts playing in their own tournament, the 3-seeded Killamazoo Derby Darlins had a lot to prove going into this weekend–and found themselves fighting to maintain their seeding against 5-seed NEO in Sunday’s third-place game. NEO looked set to mount a comeback late in the game but fell just short, and Killamazoo took the win 250-219.

D2K: Sac City Stifles Killamazoo, 283-173

D2K: Sac City Stifles Killamazoo, 283-173 Photo Credit: Mark Nockleby

KALAMAZOO, MI–In the last game of the night, the Killamazoo Derby Darlin’s thrilled the hometown crowd with a back-and-forth first half against Sac City, offering multiple lead changes and trailing by just 18 points at halftime. But the second half was all Sac City all the time; the visiting–and higher-seeded–team outscored Killamazoo by a factor of two (160-68) over the period en route to a 283-173 win. That secured them a date with Santa Cruz in tomorrow’s grand final, as well as a trip to November’s Division 1 championships.

D2K: Killamazoo Survives Queen City, 214-194

KALAMAZOO, MI–The biggest and most raucous crowd of Division 2 playoffs so far roared in the start of the final bout of day one in Kalamazoo. The match looked safe for the home team through the first period as Queen City suffered penalty trouble–but the situation reversed in the second half as Killamazoo gave up key power jams and frequently found themselves fielding just a couple of blockers. Consequently, their lead looked shaky through much of the period but in the end, they were able to play the clock and keep their jammers on the track to eke out a 20-point win, 214-194.

Chicago Outfit Guns Down Killamazoo Derby Darlins, 137-55

KALAMAZOO, MI — Most observers expected another close game like the first time these two teams played in 2008, but instead the Chicago Outfit gunned down the Killamazoo Derby Darlins by a lopsided 137-55 score. Chicago roared out to a 17-0 lead after four jams, and led 73-19 at the half. The Outfit was led by alternate captain Sweet Mary Pain who scored 72 points, getting lead jammer in 11 of the 12 jams she jammed, and who also racked up 10 grand slams on her way to an easy MVP of the game.
Sweet Mary Pain started the wheels rolling for the Outfit in the opening jam as she grabbed lead jammer and a 5-0 grand slam win over Killamazoo’s Charisnakov. Queefer Sutherland then got lead for Chicago in jam 2 but could only manage a 0-0 draw against Kzoo alternate captain Lily St. Smear. Sweet Mary came back with 2 slams in jam 3 en route to a 10-0 win, then Matza Ballbreaker got a 2-0 win for the Outfit in jam 4 and almost before the crowd was seated the score was 17-0 for Chicago.

Things got worse for the hometown Derby Darlins after that. Chicago went on to get 11 leads to 7 for Kzoo, but also outscored Kzoo 73-19 in the half. Kzoo had to score 10 points in the last 4 jams of the half to even get to their 19 total. Chicago blanked Kzoo in 13 of the 19 jams in the half. Chicago also rang up 10 grand slams. The only bright spot for Kzoo was a 5-0 grand slam win for Charisnakov in jam 16, aided by the Outfit’s jammer Queefer Sutherland getting sent to the penalty box.

Whatever hopes Kzoo might have had of getting back into the game in the 2nd half were quickly dashed as Chicago outscored Kzoo 23-0 in the first 4 jams of the final half. Then captain Terrorhawk got an 8-0 slam win in jam 5 for Kzoo, but then Chicago went on a 34-3 run in jams 6 through 14. Kzoo won jams 15 to 17 by a combined 11-3 score, then Chicago Outfit blocker turned jammer, Photon Pixie, got a 4-0 win in jam 18. Finally, to end the game, Killamazoo’s Lily St. Smear got the best jam of the night for her team, getting two grand slams and a 14-0 jam win, aided again by Chicago jammer Queefer Sutherland spending some not-so-quality time in the penalty box.

Chicago scored almost the same amount of points as they did in the 1st half, 64, while Kzoo almost doubled their output to 36 points. Chicago also had 13 leads to 7 for Kzoo in the 2nd half.

Chicago did pull Sweet Mary Pain out of the jammer rotation about halfway through the 2nd half and elected to give some other skaters such as Graves, Maul E. Hatchet, Jennie Lee von Slaughter, and the afore-mentioned Photon Pixie some jammer time instead. Chicago still racked up 8 grand slams in the half (5 by Sweet Mary Pain) to 3 for Kzoo.

It can be said that both teams skated hard to the end, although in the last half of the 2nd half it seemed team blocking broke down completely and there was a lot of “head-hunting” going on.


Chicago’s blockers totally controlled the game. In particular, Daddy’s Girl, Gaygan, Photon Pixie, and Smashley “The Spaniard” Destructo played out-standingly, with Daddy’s Girl being awarded the Chicago blocker of the game. But that’s not saying that others on the team didn’t block, because they did. Chicago did a nice job of splitting the pack at times, even under WFTDA 4.0 rules (neither team is WFTDA yet, but they played under WFTDA rules), and even in some jams when they started with two blockers in the penalty box, the remaining two blockers on the track for the Outfit were able to control the front of the pack and bottle up the Kzoo jammers.

For their part, Kzoo’s blockers didn’t go after those front wall Outfit blockers aggressively enough to dent the D, nor did they employ the “splitting the pack” strategy enough to matter. While Kzoo has been playing away games recently, this was their first home game at Wings Stadium since last summer, and they certainly didn’t look to have any home-floor advantage.
Kzoo didn’t jam Lady Hawk at all in the 2nd half, though she has been an effective jammer at times in the past. They also didn’t use Javelin or Letha Venom much as jammers. While they usually block, they have put up some good jammer stats in the past when enlisted to wear the star.


Chicago’s Sweet Mary Pain, besides stealing the show, led all scorers with 72 points while jamming 12 times with 11 leads and 10 grand slams. Even more amazingly was Sweet Mary’s +72 jammer point differential. That’s right–Kzoo’s jammers couldn’t score a single point when Sweet Mary wore the star!

Other jammers for the Outfit were: Kim Mortal (28 points, 6 jams, 3 leads, 4 slams); Queefer Sutherland (24 pts, 12 jams, 5 leads, 4 slams); Photon Pixie (4 pts, 1 jam, 1 lead); Daddy’s Girl (4 pts, 1 jam); Graves (3 pts, 2 jams); Matza Ballbreaker (2 pts, 1 jam, 1 lead); Jennie Lee von Slaughter (0 pts, 2 jams, 2 leads); Maul E. Hatchet (0 pts, 1 jam, 1 lead); Gaygan (0 pts, 1 jam).

Killamazoo was led by team captain Terrorhawk with 19 points (16 in the 2nd half) in 7 jams with 4 leads and 1 grand slam. Other Kzoo jammers were: Lily St. Smear (16 pts [14 on the game’s final jam], 8 jams, 2 leads, 2 slams); Charisnakov (11 pts, 9 jams, 5 leads, 1 slam); Javelin (6 pts, 3 jams, 2 leads); Letha Venom (3 pts, 2 jams); Ablazin’ Hel (0 pts, 5 jams); Lady Hawk (0 pts, 4 jams, 1 lead).

Killamazoo has their next home game on Saturday, June 20, when the Black-N-Bluegrass Roller Girls from Florence, Kentucky (y’all) come to visit.

The Chicago Outfit returns to action on Saturday, June 27, when they host the Pikes Peak Slamazons from Colorado.

Photos: Colin J.